So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
