I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
