Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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