I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
