Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Randomize
