The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
