seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Randomize
