Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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