I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Randomize
