I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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