would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
