remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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