At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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