I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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