I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
