Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
