The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Randomize
