How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
