shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
