If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
