TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
