I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize
