so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
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