my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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