we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
