about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Randomize
