I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
