your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
