Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Randomize
