I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
