Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
