my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
