I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Randomize