Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
