do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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