Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
