why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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