I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
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