But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
