There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
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