did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
