How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
