i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Randomize
