Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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