After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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