got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
