4 words: hood of his car
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
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