I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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