Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
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