YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
