Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Found the puke drawer
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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