My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Randomize
